Starting Today

Getting Ready to Motivate and be Motivated.

It's time to spring into action. Life is a blank canvas!

Building Familys

A picture taken so long ago, about 40 years. Makes me miss my sisters. They still are fun but we don't get together that often. Everyone is busy with life. It's to bad we all don't take more time for family, make it more a priority. Our family was growing as it still is today. We are
getting ready to go to court today for final custody today. I'm not sure how long we will have it. Not that it really will matter in a year he will be 18. But he is family to us.

A beautiful Christmas season.

A beautiful winter day.

When do I walk, when do I crawl

The Path usually seems clear to me.

Do what is right. Walk a striaght line.

Trust and give freely.

At this very moment the path is full of obsticles that I must overcome.

I'm not sure that I am strong enough to reach the end of the path without

stepping on and hurting the people that I love to get there. While I help somepeople down the path others drag me down.

I hope we all can make it to the end of the road without falling and unable to get back up. I feel at this moment I am just able to crawl down the path of life. Lord give me the strength I need to get there and make sure everyone else is in tow.

Random Acts of Kindness

I recently have come into a whirl wind of Random Acts of Kindness!
It is amazing how these little acts
of kindness can make one feel. The other day I got a handful of roses from a complete stranger, the funny thing is it just happened to be my birthday. This is something they did not know. At my age you don't like to go around announcing that! But ever since then I have noticed I seem to be the recipient of small acts of kindness everywhere I go. Maybe this is not something new but I just have become more attuned to. I consider these acts a pure gift of human kindness. It reminds me in my busy life.... that people have a beautiful nature about them. It also makes me want to go out and commit these same good acts. They don't have to be large it can be something quite small.... letting someone in, in a high traffic area....a friendly smile... a polite comment. Helping someone with a task even if you don't like to do it yourself. Here is the thing to keep in mind though..... it's never for the thankfulness of the recipient maybe they will not be aware of the gestures. Just do it to be nice, thoughtful and loving of others. Maybe...just maybe, what comes around goes around!

Oh So Busy Summer

I have been oh so busy at work this summer putting in way to many hours at work. Under staffed, the usual problem. But I still found some time to take walks (not as often as I like) Bike rides and Wind Surfing on the ol Grand Lake. I tried out for a play, a murder mystery! I love my character! I'm old and mean and I dislike everything.......then I get killed before act two. It's perfect. Hopefully it will leave me some spare time it try something new. I would like to try my hand at sculpture yet this summer/fall. And I still am working on writing that play. Of course that leaves me with no time to sleep... ha ha. My favorite thing this summer was a family reunion. We through a Hoe Down for the family, about 100 of our favorite relatives. It's amaizing how we don't keep in touch with family. I don't know my cousin's children at all! If it wasn't for the fact that they all look like their parents I wouldn't know them in a croud. But we are trying to bring the family closer by having more get togethers. Next year the plan is a Luau! Anybody have any easy good tropical recipes?

Well I better get on with my summer.... its moving to quickly and I've got more to accomplish! But unfortunately it will have to cont. after work. Upside - it is FRIDAY!!!

Memories of yesterday make me smile today.
It's funny I have this box of memories - old pictures, letters and well..... things. A while ago I read a friends blog of how they wish they had some items that they used to doodle on letters and such. So for their birthday I scanned in some of those from this box. I sent them via e-mail. I don't know if my effort was appreciated or not but it made me open this box full of memories.

You have to understand this box has been with me since childhood. It's crazy some of the things I felt were important enough for me to keep. I guess the crazy thing is I still can't bring myself to get rid of any of it. When I dragged it out for the e-mail that day, I just quickly went through found some items that I thought would be fun to send. But when I was putting the items back in the box I remember thinking, wow this stuff is old and silly to keep. I haven't looked at it in over a million years! It didn't seem that important to me anymore. Then I started really looking through it. It was at that point I realized this box was important as those same silly items, pictures, letters and drawings is part of my past. All these people helped create the person I am today. There are letters and pictures of people in that box that I forgot all about and now I still have something to remind me. I don't want to forget them, they are a part of me, a part of who I am. They are worth the space in my closet as well the space in my heart.

REMBER YOUR PAST, CHERISH THE PRESENT, CREATE YOUR FUTURE WITH LOVE

OUT OF REACH

Have you ever wanted to help someone but just was not

able to. A friend who needs you but who is just out of

reach. You hear them calling... they are reaching too.

You reach to help them...but you are stopped, you are

not family. They say help others in need... but the same people put a wall up. Watch from a distance. But yet I hear you calling. My heart is heavy. What more can I do. Yet I want to be there for you. You are family, maybe not by blood, but none the less, family by my heart.

All signs are telling me to stop.

When I created this picture I thought it was funny. All the stop signs. When I was done with the finishing touches the first time I really looked at it I felt that it represented my conversations. It seems these days I worry more than I ever did in my life. It's my kids...I feel that all I do is lecture them. Don't do drugs. Don't have sex. Don't drink. Treat people with respect.... The list feels ever ending. Yes I've said these same things since they were old enough to understand each issue. But now they are late teens I feel more pressure to make them see. I'm know they both have very good morals. They do care about others. My biggest wish is that they pass these same morals, I've tried to instill in them on to their children, some day (in the distant, very distant future!) But untill then or when they move out from under my roof, I will continue to talk, lecture and yes nag (as they probably would word it). But for now I will continue to tell them to stop. And hopefully if I say it enough times, one of those warning just might be heard.

If you were to die today would your life be complete?

This question was asked via an e-mail. If you were to die today would your life be complete. How could this ever be answered? This question came the same day as I received the call that my sisters husband had passed away. A few years ago she told us that when he dies she would not want to live anymore. They had no children and live across the country far away from all family. I hope she finds that her life is not yet complete. We all have people we need to tell that we love, friends still need help, loved ones need hugs and god still needs praised. Life starts over each day Make the day count. Time stands still for no one.

The next step

I am having trouble seeing where I should go from here. What is my next step. I know I should take one but how? My inabitions are getting in the way. I hate that I am so insecure with what I want. How does one over come such feelings and move forward?

I think I would like to start a business of mural and faux painting. Or at least something in the art field. One day I am confident that I can do it... the next I'm sure I don't have the right training...artist ability...and the list goes on. How do you take what you want and make it a reality?
If it was only so easy to take one foot and put it forward and then another step. How does one over come the fear? If I take one step will I slip and fall? What if my legs aren't strong enough? They might wabble? What if?...What then?...What?...What?... What? I think I know that all the answers are inside of me. All I need to do is look.

Lord give me the strength I need.

Glimmer of Light

You have a brief idea, feeling or thought, which I'll call a glimmer of light. It leads to another glimmer of light then before you know it, one right after the other your light shines bright and when you open your eyes and really look, you see that YOUR light has created a glorious, shimmering ball of beauty. Just what you need to see through the darkness. But as in human nature sometimes we tell our self, our light isn't bright enough, not good enough. Sometimes they just burn out for awhile. At times I feel my lights are burnt but then something happens and I realize they are only dimmed for a short while. Only I have the spark that can turn them back into that brilliant shining sphere. Don't be afraid to let your light shine, let it spill over onto others to help light there way too. Don't forget to always show your best light. You never know a small glimmer of your light just might cascade over someone else, so often without your knowledge. Who knows how little of your light might cascade onto others and light there way.

Something Good

I feel good things are going to come my way. I don't need a horoscope to tell me that. I can feel it, deep down I can feel it. I can see people around me are changing as I hope I am too. As the new year is upon us we always decide that change is needed, our "new years resolution". This year I decided I wasn't going to make a list but yet I find myself trying to better myself...situation...life. I think we all want a richer life. It's not to say I'm not happy in my life now, I am, but I feel I can be more, do more, live more and love more.

Not to long ago I was talking with a friend and I got the feeling that this friend was somewhat jealous of me? Later on I was telling my daughter about this and she said she always got that same impression. Of course I had to laugh, why be jealous of ME...I'm no one. In reality I should be Jealous of her... she seems to have it all, she's beautiful, loving family, new house, new cars, if she wants something, she just goes out and buys it, she's funny, nice, cares about others, she seems to have it all. I mean look at me? I'm in my 40's for goodness sakes, Little over weight I live paycheck to paycheck. My home is always in need of repair, I'm a horrible house keeper. Although I do have a loving family (a little dis functional at times but it works for us). Then I got to thinking what would anyone in there right mind have to be jealous of me about. And if you've never tried this do it now. I started thinking of all my good qualities. I'm creative, caring, can carry a note (sometimes), have a wonderful relationship with my children (And there teenagers!) I'm happy and smiling most of the time. Have a natural urge to help others and I try to be a good role model. Man, it's not easy thinking of your good qualities. Somehow we are programed to not think so highly of ourselves. I was told once that it's because we here from a very young age... no, don't, you can't, shouldn't... all negative. I don't know if that's a part of it but I do know it's easier to talk ourselves out of thing we want to try or do than to talk ourselves into them. Many obstacles get in our minds way.... when I have more time, money, when I lose 5 pounds, when my to do list is completed. It's much easier to put it off than to jump in with both feet. But I'm learning sometimes it's okay to start small... you don't have to jump in with both feet, eyes wide open... start slower maybe just stick you toe in test the waters when that feels comfortable move in a little further. I heard the other day someone I know started working one night a week in a little pub to make some extra money because they want to start there own business. A flower shop. My first thought when I heard this was "she isn't going to make enough money working in this small pub, only one night a week, that's rediculas!" But then later when I got thinking more about it, it struck me, she has a goal and is going for it, working towards it. It doesn't matter how fast she works towards it, only that she is going for it. Then I felt envy. But that's good, it teaches me, I can do the things I want to do, sometimes all it takes is that first step. And to remember for every thought telling you, you can do it, there will be 10 others telling you, you can't. You just have to set your sights high over the negativity and keep your eye on your goal. In high school I got terrible grades in English. As you can tell, I'm still not very good at sentence structure. But one time we had a writing assignment, we had to write a story. All the teacher gave us was the title. We could make the story into anything we wanted. Even though I felt I was not cut out to be a writer, I mean my grades surely showed me that, but I put my creative juices to work and wrote my story. I had fun writing it too. After I turned it in waiting for my grade (hoping to pass) my teacher approached me, she said she loved my story and thought I could write children's books. She put it in the school paper along with a few other peoples stories. Wow what a boost! I never would have entered my mind that I would want to be a writer someday. Someone believed in me, lit a spark under me. I'm sure she has no idea what she did for me that day. Even though I've never tried to write any books yet. I've had in my mind an idea for a story I'd like to write someday. I've written notes and ideas for it (I have a folder near my bed where I keep these little tid bits) I can see the whole story in my head and someday I will give it a whirl. Probably sometime when I have more time to myself. I am a pretty busy gal. This Christmas I directed a Christmas variety show, with a theater group I am active in. In the past people would come try out with a song or dance. And that would be the show...."And that was Billy singing silent night, wasn't he good, lets hear it for Billy" But this year I decided we were a theater group and it should be more acting to our show. Of course it was after it was decided and audition notices sent out that it was going to be individual acts. So everyone came and tried out. We chose the dance and singing acts. Then my teenage daughter and I wrote a small play incorporating all these wonderful acts. I don't think I would have had the courage to even try if it wasn't for that one teacher so long ago. The whole thing turned out wonderful, it was smart and funny, the audience left smiling and cheerful. Some even came back the next night! I had one guy tell me he usually doesn't care to go to these things. He said even though the dance routines were good and the singing was good, he really got sucked into the whole story! That was the best compliment I could have gotten. I was also asked how do I think I'm going to be able to top this next year, they said I laid out some very big shoes to fill. Many people said we should try to have it published. My daughter and I kicked around the idea but felt since the songs used weren't ours, we couldn't. We pondered the idea of changing the script some and coming up with our own songs to incorporate into the play or have others make up songs for it. We do know alot of talented individuals who write there own music. But in the end we've decided to put it on the back burner. Maybe later we will light the fire under it again, who knows. I remember when I first told family and coworkers that we were going to write this little play. Not one of them gave me any encouragement but rather the opposite. "Good luck with that" they would say with there lips curled up in disapprovement. And the funny thing is when they made those comments, it did make me want to put the brakes on, put my tail between my legs and run the other way. I started questioning myself. "Who do I think I am I'm not a writer, I didn't even go to college. What if it sucks? Even though I felt it was good what would others think?" I don't know if my daughter had any of these feelings or not, I'm hoping she just believes anything is possible if you try. But then other thoughts crept in my mind, "that teacher thought I could write" "You don't know until you try" "What do I have to lose? Besides it will be fun, spending some time with my daughter." and of course just a little of "I'll show them" It took a little bit to get past my inner negativity but I did and the showed turned out great! I truly was skeptical until the night of the first performance. Then I was shocked and amazed at peoples responses. Wow I did that! So now that, that play is over I've discovered I have the urge to write another play. This time no singing. But now my inner voice was saying "About what?" I tried to think of things I could write a story about. Nothing sounded good, then one day it hit me like a ton of bricks. I came up with an idea... beginning .... middle and end. I mean as my story was coming to my mind, I actually started jumping up and down with excitement! Screaming and dancing around! I think my idea can be hysterical! So I started writing my outline for the play. Once in awhile as I'm working on it, that voice telling me it can't be done comes into my head and in all honestly it slows me down for awhile. But I keep telling myself just continue on and I do. I am hoping to finish it and submit it to a contest for playwrights. Who knows if my negative voice will win out in the long run or not but for now I choose to still ignore it.

All alone

That is how I feel.

Gray, cold and alone.

I know that isn't the case but that is how I am feeling.

I'm sure in comparison to others my problems are minor but they are real.

I know we all feel this way sometimes, hopeless, maybe lost.

I realize that things are not always going to be like this, things can and will change. They always do. I also realize that if I want change it is up to me and me alone.

I've got to keep it in my head that I'm not dead and until then I still can control my life. It's time to start living.

You shine so bright

My daughter has a wonderful heart. And once again this Christmas has showed me that she is a beautiful person inside and out. We had our family Christmas party at my mom's house like we do every year. And went home around midnight. When we got home she received an e-mail from a friend of hers. Her friend and his family are going through some terrible times right now and they had no money for Christmas gifts this year. The family consists of a single mother with 3 young girls, 2 of them not in school yet and one girl in elementary school and a boy in high school.

Luckily we have great organizations like goodfellows and such to help unfortunate people around the holidays. Anyways they brought over gifts for the kids except when the mother and son were wrapping the gifts had discovered there was nothing for the oldest girl who was still in elementary school. They were really depressed and upset. Well it was after midnight when we got the news of this. Of course no stores remained open so my daughter and decided to search through our house and find some items we had that we could wrap up. As we were searching the house she decided she would rather give the gifts to this little girl that my daughter was supposed to get. She would rather herself have nothing than let this young girl be disappointed. Of course I didn't let her do that but just for the fact that I didn't think they were appropriate for someone so young. (cloths) But we scoured the house late that night looking for things this girl would appreciate. We ran them over there about one o'clock in the morning. We ended up giving her some body spray, glitter, some jewelry, an American girl doll that was never played with, books, and a board game that never got played with either. It was amazing all the things we found that meant nothing to us but the world to a little girl on Christmas. The young girl liked all her gifts. I have to smile thinking now how on Christmas morning when my daughter and I got up the first thing we said to each other was we felt we didn't do enough. We probably could have done more for this family. It strikes me odd that we didn't feel proud of the little we did, we felt a little empty for feeling we could have done more. I hope this feeling stays with us for awhile because so many people are in need of something and small gestures from people could mean so much to others. I'm also happy to say I must have done something right in raising my kids because they are amazing and rest assured they someday (way way in the future) we be amazing parents to my grand kids.

Change or not to Change

When I take pictures I love to run home hop on the computer and "fix" any thing I don't like about them.. I took this picture and ..... it was perfect. No touch ups needed. No need to sharpen. I am struggling to keep my head out of the water as I am drowning in the big financial pool. With an unsecure job that gives little hours to the tons of medical bills and of course mistakes made by me. So many things in my life that needs fixed. To bad I haven't figured out how to do that so easy. Its nice to know that somethings in my life are already perfect... my kids for one. Not in the sense that they are "perfect" but they are usually good, they're good to me and good to others. Thats one more thing in my life that I don't need to change.

To Heavy

As I walked out of the house today I seen this tree. My first reaction was wow that's so pretty and then a split second later I thought oh no the snow is so heavy it might break under the pressure. As I was removing the snow it occurred to me that like this tree sometimes I feel the heavy weight on my shoulders. I feel like I am bogged down and can't change the way things are. But I know that, that isn't true. Maybe the snow will blow away as quickly as it came or maybe it will have to bear the weight until the spring thaw. Even if it breaks under the pressure it doesn't mean its over. The roots have been there for along time and maybe tomorrow will be new growth. Just as today may bring a new beginning to us.

Starting Today

Starting Today... I will start making changes to be the person I was meant to be. We all know God put us on this earth for a reason. I don't think he meant for me to just let life whiz by me without much care or acomplishments. He gave me gifts and I thank him for them. As it is to late for me to do things I should have yesterday... I will start today. I am starting this to help inspire myself and maybe inspire others.

So start today.